How Love Improves Mental Health
Image via Levan Badzgaradze
Describing Love
In his brief but profound classic, Erich Fromm states that “love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence” [1]. This utterance is among the many other poetic phrases in this book, which Fromm wrote in 1956, but is just as relevant today. We are paying more and more attention to the internal psychological dimensions of well-being and beginning to more fully appreciate the aspects of living that are non-material, but equally important. With this comes a growing recognition that love is more than just pretty words and romantic gestures. It is a necessary force for the healing of the psychic wounds of the past.
Even with a growing awareness of the impact of love, there are many who still might wonder how it can really benefit them, or wonder, justifiably, what love really is. Love, and this definition is by no means original, is a state of being characterized by active engagement with oneself or another [2]. Fromm believed that discipline, concentration, patience, and supreme concern were the qualities most necessary to learning about love, which he considered an art just like any other (cite Fromm). The physical and emotional benefits we experience in this state are the byproducts of these qualities. They are what happens when we decide to love.
Physical & Emotional Benefits
Through love there is an amplification of everything inside of us, the physical and the emotional. The heart becomes healthier, the body’s natural immunity is boosted, as well as its tolerance for pain. And the levels of the stress hormone cortisol are scaled back [3].
The hormones oxytocin and dopamine are released in larger quantities when we experience love and make these changes possible. Underneath the process by which this occurs is the simple fact is love makes us better and it makes us stronger. It is a safety net that provides all manner of protection against the challenges of life, and we can hardly face life without it. This is why the need for love is so great in children, but even as adults we still require it. Intimacy, like food, water, and shelter is a basic human need [4]. (Traupmann & Hatfield). Healing then, especially in the case of psychic and emotional difficulties, is a group endeavor, and is never complete in isolation. These difficulties that arise in the context of relationships and must also be healed in the context of relationships.
The wounds we reference are broadly characterized as various mental illnesses–depression, anxiety, mood disturbances, etc. These states of being are the antithesis of love. They take root in its absence. The solutions to the problems they cause can be found in part, through the cultivation of love. In order to do this, one must be willing to learn and practice love. To become more conscious of it and more capable of applying it to everyday life.
Barriers to Love
At this point it is fair to consider why, if the benefits of love are so obvious and considerable, why aren’t more people interested in learning and practicing it?
First, I do not think the issue is a lack of interest. Love may be a universal experience, but not as we experience it. No animal is or ever was as interested in love as human beings. Our art, our fears and our passions, our beginnings and endings, testify to the fact that we are concerned with love to the point of obsession. Instead, the barrier to love is a lack of awareness of what it truly means and a lack of effort in applying its meaning.
Most people believe in the idea that love just happens. It is something you simply fall into, and the feeling of passionate love supports this notion with its effortless quality, but the effortlessness of love is short-lived. The sense that every moment of your life has converged at the point where you are standing face to face with your loved one occurs alongside a surge of biology and the release of hormones (oxytocin & dopamine) that is otherwise rarely experienced. It is easy to get swept up in the feeling of new love and to wish for its continuation, but eventually the effects of this surge fade, and at that point, this passion can only be maintained if it is renewed through conscious effort.
None of this is particularly appealing for the person who misunderstands the meaning of love. It is difficult to accept even if you do. There is something gratifying about relinquishing responsibility and giving yourself up to an experience that feels bigger than you, but the greater pleasure is had when you embrace love as a serious discipline that requires study [5]. The attainment of love, and good mental health, is not an event, but a process. The more serious you are about practicing daily the skills that make you more capable of giving and receiving love, the more likely you are to reap their benefits.
References
Fromm, E. (2088). The art of loving. Continuum Pub.
Carnahan, J. (2020, February 11). Love heals: The powerful effects of love ( and how to create more of it). Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD. https://www.jillcarnahan.com/2020/02/11/love-heals/
Jenkins, P. (2023, November 20). Why love matters: The power of emotional connections in our lives. Brilliantio. https://brilliantio.com/why-love-matters/
Traupmann, J., & Hatfield, E. (1981). Love and its effect on mental and physical health. Aging: Stability and change in the family, 253-274.
Hooks, B. (2022). All about love: New visions. William Morrow, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.